family, grandchildren, parenting

Bullying. Just Stop It

It’s been a tough year for me.  It’s taken almost a year for me to admit it. I’ve been trying to come to grips with why, how, what.  It happened out of the blue.

BULLYING.

It never really occurred to me that I could be bullied by another adult. I’m a grandma for goodness sake.  I’m strong.  I’m smart.  I’m successful.  I’m independent. I’m even nice, usually. The bullying was subtle at first.  It took me a while to realize it was happening.  Then gradually, slowly, it became less subtle.

I tried to make nice with the bully because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?   I tried to ignore it – pretend it wasn’t happening. I tried really hard.  I did everything you’d tell your child who is being bullied.  “Ignore it”  “You’re better than that” “They’re not worth it” “Don’t let it get to you”…

It was lonely.  You see the bully bullied others.  So if you (the “onlooker”) wanted to avoid being bullied, you stayed on the safe side of the bully. Pretended to be their friend.  Don’t cause any waves.  Just stay under the radar and you’ll be fine.  AND if you really wanted to stay on the safe side of the bully, for goodness sake, DO NOT stand up for the bullied (insert eye roll here).

Cycle-of-Bullying
Which one are you?

I needed a break from the bullying so I took a break from putting myself in places where I could be bullied.  I took a break from people who in my mind cared more about staying on the good side of the bully than taking care of the bully’s bullied.  Whether that was true or not, didn’t matter because in my bullied mind it was true.  And the break helped a   lot.

I won’t even begin to compare my experience with bullying to that of a child.  There is no comparison.  And heaven help the person who EVER … I mean EVER bullies one of my littles!   I’m simply pointing out that bullying can happen with adults too.  Sometimes in the work place.  Sometimes (a lot) on social media.  And even sometimes it can happen in the places you should feel the most safe – like church.

So let’s just be nice.  There’s a lot of pain and hurt in this world.  There’s a lot of hate.  I just listened to this great podcast called Why We Hate.  I’m not saying you have to agree with every opinion out there, but if you disagree, just be nice.  Listen a little.  Ask some honest and sincere questions.  I bet you’ll find more common ground with those that you disagree with than you think.

And just don’t be a bully.

There is one thing I’ve learned over the past year.  If you continue to harbor the pain that the bully has unfairly inflicted on you, then the bully wins.  I refuse to let that happen.  So I will forgive and move on.  I’ll hold my head high.  I’ll be more aware of those that are bullied.  I’ll be more courageous and stand with them.  I’ll do my part to stop the hate and keep the peace, at least in my little corner of the world.

I hope you will tell me the ways that I can be a better advocate for the bullied and how you have been an advocate for stopping the hate.

Here are a few resources I found on bullying.  If you see a child or know of a child being bullied, say something.  Do something.  It’s not going to go away.  If you are a bully, then stop it. 

Stop Bullying

This is a website put out by the federal government that is a great resource for identifyig bulling and ways to stop it.

Bullying. Stop It!

A great video put out by the LDS church that really gets to heart of how hurtful bullying can be and the difference you can make as you stand up for the bullied – coming from the perspective of teenagers.

https://www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/

I great link to tons of resources on bullying.

imagesUnderstood.Org

 

9 thoughts on “Bullying. Just Stop It”

  1. I’m sorry that it happened to you, but happy that you shared your insights. I am especially moved by your admonition to just be nice to each other! A little civility can go a long, long way in this troubled world.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this post! I am so sorry that you were targeted, Shelley. Thank you for sharing resources to help all of us make the world safer for each other. Taking breaks to feel safe is essential!

    I think the hardest places to identify & stand up to bullying is in families, church & work, but it must be done!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry that you had this experience. Actually, really can’t believe this would happen to you at all
    But I’m glad you made the changes to get that bully out of your life. I don’t have any advice on helping our kids with bullies, but it seems that social media definitely adds more fuel to the fire.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry you were bullied, but thankful you realized the situation and pulled yourself away from this hurtful person. You bet adults can be bullies. Some might call them “strong personalities.” But I call them manipulative and mean and uncaring, those individuals who speak their mind without concern about how they hurt others. You did all the right things in extricating yourself from such meanness. And, yes, all too often it happens in families. I find then that the best course of action is to distance myself in order to protect myself.

    And, yes, adults need to understand that kindness and niceness applies to them, too, not just to kids.

    I deeply appreciate your honest post. Thank you for taking this strong stand against bullying by adults.

    Like

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